I have stopped and started writing a blog post for the last month because nothing I said seemed quite right. I didn’t feel I could simply write about what I am eating or watching because it all seemed too frivolous. Yet I realise now that frivolity and distraction is what a lot of us need so I am hoping to get back into the swing of writing about everyday things and maybe one or two recipes too.

My life along with all of yours has changed drastically over the last 6 – 7 weeks and I never imagined living through something like this. I think a lot of you will agree that this period is mentally draining and at many times incredibly sad. I have also felt an ever increasing feeling of uselessness. Ordinarily if our country was in a major crisis we could all go and do our bit to help, if there were hungry we could feed them or lonely go and visit but the risks of this virus to certain members of my family means that I haven’t been able to volunteer for any local projects and even my day job is currently on hold. I have kept busy with trying to do little bits here and there such as online shopping for members of my family and also parenting my two amazing yet busy daughters. I miss my parents and siblings who I am very close to, I miss my friends too and there are times when the worry of anything happening to loved ones becomes too much to think about. Being close to your family is wonderful but also scary because the thought of losing them is so unbearable. And the fact that there are so many of us ( I am one of ten children) can at times feel like there is always someone to worry about or consider. Within my large family we have a few at risk ( not shielded) members, one heavily pregnant and another two who are NHS key workers and I would be lying if I said I had no fears about Covid19. Aside from Coronavirus there are other major health worries within the family and frustratingly none of us are able to help one another out in the ways we normally would.

As with many others there are aspects of life in lockdown which I would like to continue when it ends. More time focused on communicating with family, more time focused on simple things. More time in the garden listening to the birds, examining the shapes in the clouds. Less needless shopping for clothes and materialistic products ( although I admit even I had a moment where I googled hot tub prices – then laughed and closed the browser). Focusing on daily outdoor exercise. Cooking from scratch more. Making sure to use up leftovers. Considering the needs of others more.

I don’t really miss going to the pub or restaurants although cooking every meal and cleaning up after each one doesn’t always exactly spark joy! I don’t really miss my day job although occasionally I miss having more adult conversation and I don’t even miss the socialising aspect as much as I imagined.

I do miss my close friends and family but we are maintaining contact in lots of ways.

But the biggest thing I miss most right now is being able to give my parents a hug. I have always appreciated my parents but never more so than right in this moment, I can’t think of anyone with a bad word to say about them and I am aware that I was so very lucky to be born to two generous, selfless and loving people. They make my days better and fill my heart with joy and love. The relationship they have with my children is wonderful to see and I am thankful we live within walking distance so that we can call up and check in on them ( from a safe distance in the garden ). We always spend a lot of time together but I’ll ensure it will be even more so after this difficult time is over.

If there is one thing this pandemic will have taught us as all I believe it is what really matters to us and who really matters to us. Material goods and money in the bank whilst nice don’t mean much when peoples lives and health are in doubt and at risk.

I hope you are ok, whoever and wherever you are reading this. I hope this virus hasn’t taken anyone close to you and I hope you are finding this time bearable. You can always pop me an email via the blog or a message on my social channels if you need someone to offload or rant to, I’m a good listener.

Stay safe, stay home. Protect not just the NHS but everyone. Stay away from loved ones and wait for when this is over and we can have that big joyous gathering so that nobody is missing from it.

Love to you all.

Wow this last month or so seems to have passed in the blinking of an eye. It seems like only a moment ago that I was wondering how I’d get used to writing 2020 and suddenly we are here and just getting into the second month.

I’m glad we are edging closer to Springtime. I normally like the dark nights and wrapping up in hats and scarves but this Winter already seems too long. I am longing for lighter evenings and days without coats. Being able to walk a lot especially by our local estuary in the daylight has huge benefits for my mental health and apparently for physical health too, not just from the exercise but the Vitamin D too.

Movies

At the cinema I have watched Jojo Rabbit, Bad Boys for Life, Spies in Disguise and Little Women. I loved Little Women – in fact I really want to see it again, it is a truly fantastic remake and I urge you to check it out. Only one point I will make is that it’s not all in chronological order so if you haven’t read the book ( you really should ) or seen the original film then you may find parts of it confusing. Jojo Rabbit is also a great world war two film which is surprisingly comedic although highly emotional in parts, the role of Jojo is played by Roman Griffin Davis and he is outstanding. Bad Boys was good fun and easy to watch, although slightly gorier in parts than I expected. The kids enjoyed Spies In Disguise and it was more than just watchable for grown ups too.

At home I haven’t watched any new films unless you count some really old school Disney films with the kids.

TV

I seem to be a bit of an anomaly at the moment as most people seem to be watching one of the reality shows currently gracing our TVs, Love Island and The Masked Singer to name just two. I will admit giving Love Island a cursory glance on the first episode but I realised that I just can’t get invested in it. It is all so samey. Instead I have just been watching Netflix and more recently Apple TV due to a free pass from my phone provider.

So far over the last month on Netflix I have watched 60 Days In and I blitzed through Virgin River. Virgin River is a very easy to watch drama set in a beautiful town in North California, it’s quite quaint and simple and I like it a lot. 60 Days In was just fascinating, members of the public were sent to live as criminals in an American Jail for ( you guessed it ) 60 days. It was a bit mad, occasionally predictable and just an interesting watch. My favourite recent watch has been The Morning Show on Apple TV, starring Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon who both play really great characters – I finished it within a week ( it’s only 10 episodes ) and I LOVED it.

Meals

I am almost back into my cooking groove. In the last few weeks alone I have baked banana breads, nutella cookies and soda breads galore. I have started baking something for one of my family members each week to say thank you for some of the support they have shown me over the last year. So far I have managed to bake for 3 of my siblings and if you know my family then you’ll know I still have a fair way to go. I’ve also been trying to cook a new dish each week with the girls, nothing especially exciting but I want them to enjoy cooking food and realise how important variety is.

Everything Else

To be honest life has been a little topsy turvy this last month. My anxiety levels seem to be higher than normal and I am waiting on some further hospital tests on my back which is probably not helping. Cooking more, walking a little more and just spending as much time as possible focused on fun with the kids is keeping me sane…just 🙂

Am having a bit of a contemplative time, trying to work out what I can do to improve and change things in my life. I need to work on a few areas and one at least is making sure that eventually I am doing a job that I love. Overall I am working on my health and I have also started taking regular supplements which were a gift from an online friend ( not an AD). I am taking Omega 3, Active Energy and Vitamin D from a company called Vegetology, it is still early days but I think they are having an impact. My energy levels are definitely higher and I am sleeping better at night too.

I have a few press events to look forward to over the next few months as well including a Feel Good trip to Bath which involves a trip to the Thermal Bath ( my first ever ) and wow it could not come at a better time. I’ll keep you posted on that!

Despite what some magazines will tell you not all problems are fixed by a manicure or a hot soak in the bath. Now I do firmly believe that a bath can make most days better but over the years I have discovered ways to take better care of my mental health. As we all should. Mental health is as important if not at times more important than physical health. And poor mental health impacts your physical health which to me seems downright cruel.

I don’t pretend to be a master of my mental health. Quite often it gets the better of me, I am however getting better at knowing what to do to pull myself out of those murky waters. I can recognise the feelings, the symptoms and whilst I can’t stop anxiety or stress from quite literally kicking my butt, there is something to be said for knowing as much as you can about your enemy and how to beat it.

So what do I do?

These are just a few of the ways that help me to get through difficult days. Some of this may work for you but it may not. We are all unique and will have different coping mechanisms. I would urge you to keep a little notebook or even a folder on your phone. Write down EVERYTHING that improves your mood or makes you calm. Everything. That particular brand of tea. The way you feel around certain people. A song. A special form of exercise. All of it. It is what I have been doing for a little while now and whilst you don’t need to know all of my notes and some of course are quite personal, there are some which are more general and perhaps even obvious. I’ll share a few each month.

1. Re read a favourite book. I find this especially helpful when my mood is low. I don’t feel like taking in new information and sometimes I simply can’t. An old book, a much loved favourite is a bit like a hug from a parent. It’s easy, it’s comforting and you know exactly how it makes you feel. Not into reading? Watch a favourite film. My go to film for unwinding is Julie and Julia. It is about food and writing so perfect for me!
2. Get up and move. I am not talking about exercise (yet) but we all get days when we don’t want to move from our beds. I definitely think you should let yourself rest as much as you need but too much time under a blanket especially during the day time can make me feel a lot worse. It gets harder and harder to want to get up so most days even if I don’t have to I bite the bullet and get up before 9. If the girls aren’t here then before I settle down to have breakfast or relax I do a wash load or maybe see to the cat or I’ll sort out the recycling. Something easy which requires little brain energy.
3. Eat the right food. Ah I am a sucker for junk food or a takeaway when I’m stressed. Sometimes because I have little to no energy to make food and often little appetite and sometimes just because it tastes really good. I still indulge and this is not about calorie counting but sugar highs and lows aren’t great when your mood is a bit all over the place. Too much salt and grease also makes you feel lousy, can upset your belly ( which anxiety already does) and well it is expensive too. If I eat more fresh food, more greens, less processed stuff straight from a packet then I feel better. In my head I feel like I am taking care of myself and it seems to have a knock on effect.
4. Drink more water. Dehydration makes your whole body feel lousy and can give headaches and interrupt your sleep which then impacts your mental health. So drink more.
5. Busy your mind. This is great for anxiety and that seemingly never ending restless feeling. Find something that occupies your mind fully – for me it’s baking with loud music playing. My hands are busy, my mind is going full throttle with timings and measurements and I don’t have time to worry. I know it’s not for everyone but I like both my body and brain to be tired before bed. Find your thing and do it. Baking is mine.
6. Be with your easy people. It may be family or friends or a partner, for me it’s my parents, children and siblings plus a couple of friends I have had for 10 years+. I can be with any of those people and not have to think about what I say, what I’m wearing or what I have to do. It’s just easy. I am comforted by their presence and I feel so very lucky to have that. Sometimes even now knowing that it helps I still try to avoid these social situations because my brain is stupid but looking back I know that I feel better for time spent with them.
7. Exercise. This is without a doubt one of the best things you can do for your mental health. While I wait for my next MRI I am limited in that all I can really do is walk a little bit and it is so incredibly frustrating. If you can exercise, do it. It releases endorphins, it improves your mental health. If you do it outside you get vitamin D and fresh air and well just do it. As much as you can, as often as you can.
8. Look for positives. I won’t go into this too much as I have written more about it here but just try every day looking for the small good things in your day. Tiny things like a great coffee, a smile from a stranger or a brightly coloured door. Anything at all. Count them up. I started this late year and it has helped improve my days.

That is the first chunk of many, I have loads more to share. I know some of these will seem fairly obvious but when you are in the middle of it whether it be depression, anxiety or stress then you forget. You forget how it feels to be better, to feel normal again and these help me. I hope they help you.

It’s a brand new year and I still can’t quite get used to the fact that we are in 2020. Does anyone else still find it really strange? Life seems to be moving way too fast these days and I’m trying my very best to enjoy all of the moments. I haven’t done one of these general life updates in a little while. I have really struggled to reclaim my writing mojo but I’ve started to plan out some writing time in my days just 30 mins here or there and I am slowly getting back into it.

So what’s been happening?

Well the answer is lots. But let’s do this the way I always do, starting with movies:

Movies

The last three months have been quite film/movie heavy. In the cinema I’ve seen Frozen 2, Cats, Ford v Ferrari and Last Christmas. My favourite was Frozen 2, it’s a truly excellent film and I enjoyed it far more than the first. Fave moments for me include the Samantha scene and Kristoff’s 80s style ballad. Last Christmas was predictably cheesy but also made me think…a lot. As for Cats. Well. I can’t really begin to explain it. The kids loved it but I spent most of the film looking at my older sister and wondering what on earth was going on. It’s properly weird but I’m glad I’ve seen it so I can actually understand the reviews 😂.

Photo by Myke Simon on Unsplash

On Netflix we have watched a wide range of kids films and Christmas Prince films and I have also watched Marriage Story and rewatched About Time again.

TV/Netflix shows

I don’t watch a lot of normal tv. I cancelled my tv licence last year as it was such a rarity so now I only watch terrestrial tv at my parents house. Last month I watched Gavin and Stacey which I quite enjoyed, mainly as I watched with all my family. Funny to see how various characters had aged or in some cases had not due to various face treatments. On Netflix I have watched a fair bit including You, Dirty John, Don’t F*** with Cats, People V OJ and an assortment of food related shows. You is a fairly creepy series which is focused on the life and loves of Joe Goldberg a handsome young romantic who has serial killer tendencies- fascinating but also creepy. People v OJ was really interesting and well cast. Don’t f*** with cats is a quite distressing watch and I wouldn’t watch it again, in fact if I had know what it was about I wouldn’t have watched it the first time but once you start it has you gripped!

Meals

My food life has been a little boring of late. I’ve had to spend a lot of time indoors and I ended up cancelling all of my Christmas work meals etc and to be honest I’m not sad about that. I am back to creating in the kitchen a bit more, not quite ready to share recipes but I’ll get there soon. Aside from the odd breakfast out with my mam, sisters and the girls I haven’t eaten out since maybe November when we had our fake Christmas meal. I am making some changes to what I eat at home, cutting down a little on meat consumption and just cooking mostly from scratch again.

Health

Ah where do I begin? It’s been a year of poor health which ended up with severe break and dislocation in my toe from stubbing a cardboard box, seriously. I’m healing up now thankfully and just awaiting results from my back MRI which took place just before New Years. I have managed to regain the heavy weight loss from earlier in the year so now I am just trying to maintain a healthy weight and exercise lightly when possible.

Life in general

I can’t deny that the last year has been incredibly stressful, probably the most stressful one of my life so far but I have definitely learned from it, I am not sure how much stronger I am for it but it’s taught me things. I do want to try and do a little more with the blog this year and also find some way to use it for good, whether it’s to help raise awareness for charities I support or to talk about important issues. The girls are flourishing and getting so clever and funny. They are great company these days and we talk about the most random of things and dance about the house to silly songs, current fave is Dance Monkey by The Tones.

The New Year

I’m not making resolutions this year but there are a few things that I started late last year which I’ll be continuing with. One is looking for the positives, I find it all too easy to be negative and I really want that to be a change for me. Last year with positive advent I made a point each day of finding all the little things which were positive in my day so I’m continuing with that. I’m also keeping a journal, one from Amazon which is one line a day ( actually about 3 lines) for 5 years, I think it’ll be interesting to read back on the different days and compare things. Each page of the journal has five spaces for each year for that particular day. This is the one I have:

I am also trying to walk each day even if it’s just a little, I still can’t overdo things as in a lot of pain with my back but walking is so incredibly good for my mental health that I owe it to myself to prioritise it. I’m also actually considering the food I cook and eat, making sure to eat proper meals even when the girls aren’t around rather than forgetting then grabbing some sugary laden treat when I feel rubbish. I know this year will hold challenges, it always does but by taking care of myself more maybe I’ll be better prepared for them.

Happy New Year all. Hope the festive period was kind to you. I’ve spent the last fortnight in a bubble of family and food. Which of course is great but Christmas ends and January is hard on lots of us. Typically over the years January has been one of my hardest months, I have always found NYE pretty tough and the expectations that a New Year brings.

if I am being completely honest with you the reader, I have to admit that sometimes I can be a little too negative. The last few years haven’t been exactly straight forward and it can be all too easy to focus on the bad. There were so many times in 2019 when I sat and had a cry and felt sorry for myself. Crying isn’t always a bad thing and can definitely be good for the soul but some days it never seemed to end.

Towards the end of November whilst waiting for various hospital appointments to swing around for this constant back pain I broke and dislocated my toe – badly. For a few days I let that useless, painful feeling consume me. Breaking a toe probably doesn’t seem like a big deal unless you of course are the only adult in your home and you don’t drive! Combined with it arriving at that time of year when I had so many grand plans with the kids and well it broke me. I was in severe pain and I don’t tolerate pain meds very well so aside from the first 48 hours with gas and air to get it back in place and codeine I stuck it out after that with paracetamol. I ended up spending way too much time on my own and often felt stuck at home. My family as always were amazing, my sister in law ran the kids to school as often as she could, my parents showered me in their usual kindness and I was incredibly thankful for them. And just in general my family were ace. But it was so hard and I think it was the icing on the cake which made me really start to despair a bit at just how much was always going wrong.

I hated feeling that way. Lost, sad and frustrated.

On December 1st I made a pledge to myself to start focusing on the positives in my day, even if that day all I was thankful for was good coffee and a warm home. These little things, they are the big things. I shared on Twitter my plan for a Positive Advent and I invited others to join in, you can read about that here. I tried to do it every day without making it a chore, I skipped a day here and there, because some days it is really hard to force cheeriness. But for the most part I stuck with it, and so did others, so many of you joined in whether it was once or twice or every day and wow it helped. In fact by the end my original Positive Advent tweet reached nearly 20k people with nearly 1k engagements/responses.

When December 24th came and went and with it the end of Positive Advent I decided that this should be something I continue to do. And so along came Everyday Positivity. Finding little things about my day, maybe making a note here or there and a few times a week I’ll share them online. I don’t want it to be a challenge or a task I have to do but rather a burst of positivity in your feed every now and again. I have already begun to see that I am seeing more and more good things in my day. Minor things that would have upset me previously don’t seem quite so big a deal when I compare them to the good things. Yesterday my microwave broke and my back was incredibly sore but I also got to spend time with my big sis and her children for the first time in a few months ( she lives in Kent ). I had an evening with my mother and sisters while my kids played happily with their cousins and I came home to a cat in need of fuss and a warm house thanks to a well set timer. I’m starting to realise that life is hard for everyone, even for those whose lives seem rosy. We all have challenges, health issues, money worries etc. Maybe not all at the same time as has seemed this year but I’m stronger for it. By sharing these positive things I hope to help my brain focus on the right stuff, I also hope that others will see the occasional tweet and feel encouraged to seek out the good in their days.

If you are a regular follower maybe don’t expect me to be a ray of sunshine on a daily basis but know that I am trying. In all the ways that I can.

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. 

Helen Keller