I turn 40 in less than two months. 40. That age that when I was a child seemed like old age yet now feels like I blinked after turning 25 and here I am. I’m not worried about turning 40, it doesn’t feel like a huge change yet it is. 40 is very different to being IN your 30’s. It feels like a different statement is made when you say I’m 40 as to when you say you are late 30’s especially as a woman.
Women of my generation are lucky in that in most cases women are now getting celebrated at all ages. We see stories every day of women who started careers at 40 or 50, female actors winning awards and sometimes even not choosing to start families until they are my age. 40 is not over the hill by any means but it just feels different.
I think for me the biggest issue I have with it is that I don’t feel healthy or well and the older I get the more that seems like it may be something I can’t change. I am doing everything I can to better myself and get well but a lot of it is out of my control. I imagined having big parties and weeks of celebrations for my 40th but I can’t think of many things right now which wouldn’t cost me too much physically to do. I know my family, my friends and my partner will want to make it a big deal for me and I appreciate that in so many ways yet the thought of it alone is tiring.
In lockdown I had a few things I knew I wanted to achieve before my 40th, then I caught covid in October 2020 and quite honestly nothing has been the same since. I wasn’t hospitalised, thankfully I didn’t die ( obviously) but my life has been significantly impacted by a virus which honestly when I caught it I thought oh great I can get this out of the way now and thank goodness I am at the best fitness I’ve been in for a long time so I can beat it. Um no covid doesn’t work like that and long covid sufferers are more than likely to be women of my age who were previously fit. I’ve had to adapt my life and there are some goals which I’ve had to put on the back burner maybe forever.
I am determined that this next year will see an improvement in some way in my health. I am determined to make my life better for my girls and my partner and my family. It will not be easy but I will do it. Not sure how exactly but I will. For now I am going to look to my 40th and find a way to share that time and celebrate it with the ones I love.
I bet you missed my rambles? More to come I’m sure…