We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.
Henry Ward Beecher
As I write this post I am sat on the sofa downstairs watching Greys Anatomy..having a little ‘me time’ – the problem is that’s its 5am and I’m awake because for some unknown reason last night my 5month old just didn’t want to sleep. A developmental stage or a growth spurt or something else but no sleep. At 5am it was time to give up and so I’m sat here watching an episode which is maybe only 40minutes long but so far it’s taken me 5 days and I’m about halfway through it.
Me time? As a busy mother of two I don’t really get any. Well not much anyway and those of you who do.. I want to know how?
Maybe writing this blog is my me time.
On a typical day I am awake and feeding by 7am after perhaps 3-4 wakes during the night. I’m tired, grouchy but the day has to begin hey. By 9.30am we are all fed, dressed (most days) and I’m trying to keep a toddler happy whilst stimulating my baby. If my OH has a day off we try to do something like a trip to the park, river or soft play to tire Izzy out and to have fun obviously. If he’s in work I may pop out to the shops with my mum or out for a coffee – never stress free with two little ones. When we are back at home I frantically try to get both of them to nap at the same time while I clean, wash clothes and prep our evening meal. Normally this only lasts for about 20 minutes ( Chloe likes to catnap) but sometimes I will get two full hours and wow you should see what I can do in this time.
People tell you to sleep when your baby sleeps. Firstly that can only ever work when you have 1 child and secondly if you sleep when they sleep when do you get everything else done?
I mean seriously… How do you all do it? How do you keep your house looking shiny and your kids looking sheeny and your hair all swingy? I only ever manage one of those three at a time.
I constantly look and feel as though I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards and then forwards too.
I manage to keep about 40% of my house looking tidy on a daily basis. My ironing pile is now our everything we own needs ironing pile. I manage to keep up with the washing but only because we have a tumble dryer.
The mound of toys gets bigger even though I have regular clear outs – how does that work ?? ..and there are little socks everywhere.
If I manage to straighten my hair I do a little dance inside but straightening my hair and putting make up on the same day? That’s rare.
Mothers Day.. I wore make up and had kind of tidy hair. Rare.
My favourite clothes are the ones that don’t need ironing. My favourite TV show is Peppa Pig as she has way more control over my toddler than I have.
I feel surges of triumphant joy when one of the following happens:
They sleep at the same time
We have a day with no poosplosions
We arrive somewhere only 20 minutes late
Both children are clean faced and look well dressed
I get a bath longer than 10 minutes
I get half hour of silence with my OH
I have an actual conversation about something other than how long my baby slept
I have a day when I don’t leak breast milk over my clothes
I remember that breastfeeding is hard and we are at nearly 6 months of exclusively bf. Woop
When did my life become this?
My life is disorganised chaos on a good day.
I get ridiculously happy when I know my OH doesn’t have work so the whole parenting load is lightened.
I feel like crying when C wakes up for her first night feed but I still never consider stopping breastfeeding – why is that I wonder?
I wonder how on earth my mother managed to raise 10 of us.10 ? I will be honest and admit that I find two a struggle.
Then I think about my siblings and I and how we turned out pretty ok. More than ok we are great and for the most part healthy and happy and I know it will all be alright. If my mum managed with 10 I can manage with two.
Being a parent is the happiest and hardest role I’ve ever had. I can’t call it a job – it’s not my job but it’s certainly harder than my actual work. It’s challenging and scary.
Last week I had one of the most frightening experiences of my life. I couldn’t find Izzy. We weren’t playing hide and seek but we were at my parents house in the garden and she just vanished. I felt so sick I can’t even explain it. I want to cry just thinking about it. She had slipped upstairs with her aunty to look at teddy bears and she was perfectly safe – in fact there was nowhere she could have gone but for those few minutes I had a glimpse of fear.
So maybe for the next 10 years I won’t get much me time, I can live with it.
And anyway who wants me time when you can have 30seconds hidden behind a door eating a chunk of chocolate before your toddler catches you and says Mammy you are a silly billy or when your baby giggles at you for no apparent reason other than she spotted you across the room.