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The Week That Was…

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This morning I was going to share a recipe with you.. For a Baileys Cream Pie. BUT we haven’t yet tasted it and although it looks incredibly good I can’t share it until I’m sure it tastes great too. So that will be up tomorrow. Today I’m just going to tell you about my week in food and family.

It’s been a difficult week. Andrew was away for four days and I underestimated just how much I would miss him being around. The girls were typically feeling a bit lost without him ( much like me ) and were whiny, clingy and generally hard work. Izzy had a meltdown in school and Chloe just would not sleep. Luckily I did have help from my family but I don’t want to repeat that anytime soon. It’s just ten days now until Chloe goes into hospital for some investigative procedures and if I’m honest I’m pretty worried about it. She seems to be in a great deal of pain nearly every night and it’s not pleasant to see. Hopefully something which can be easily fixed will show when investigated and she can start to be a normal, happy toddler again.

Despite this there were brief moments of pleasure and accomplishment, moments where I watched my girls and how close they have become and couldn’t help but smile. Listening to Chloe master new words ..and dance moves. Creating new dishes..including this incredibly simple one ingredient Peanut Butter:

Vitamix, peanut butter

Watching Izzy cuddle a rather unresponsive Chloe:

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And Izzy experimenting with new hair styles whilst playing over Nannas:

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Eating a pastry fresh out of the oven at our local coffee shop:

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Seriously savouring Chloe’s afternoon nap:

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Finding these beauties for a bargainous 99p:

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Totally encouraging Chloe’s Frozen obsession so that I could drink a hot drink whilst still hot and then having to go and give her a little squeeze because her face just lights up when the songs come on:

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Receiving some fantastic post including this box of goodies from Degustabox which included goodies from Kinder, Schwartz, Nandos, Cookies Bakery, IdrinQ, Barry’s Tea, Veetee, Cirio, Wonjo, Kingfisher and Scheckters..it was quite a box this month:

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Making Dark Chocolate Baileys Fudge:

Baileys fudge

And Blondies..

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As well as the afore mentioned Baileys Cream Pie:

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And finally this morning seeing these two having sleepy morning snuggles on the giant bazaar bag we recently received from Beanbag Bazaar which is AWESOME:

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And so although we are all incredibly tired today, Izzy has a chest infection and her asthmatic wheeze is back with a vengeance which sucks and Chloe didn’t sleep AGAIN I am trying to look at the things which were good about this week and looking back there were definitely a few things.

How was your week?

Testing Times

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Everything’s not always rosy.

Having just returned from a family break to a fantastic festival with a hundred smiling photos of us all you would be forgiven for thinking all is happy and well with my world.

For the most part it is I guess when you look at the big picture. We are all in reasonably good health, we have a home, a loving family and food on the table every day. But all is certainly not rosy. We seem to have totally lost all semblance of any bedtime routine with both girls of late and it means we never get an evening to ourselves anymore.

Actually never.

Each evening is tiring and stressful and I dread it.

Izzy is pushing boundaries every day. She knows what buttons to push and is not afraid to push them.

Add to this I think my anxiety levels are rising again and nearly 9 months on I’m still having birth trauma issues. Some days are just not fun.

In fact some days are awful.

At least once a day for the past week I have been on the verge of tears for one reason or another. Sometime it’s just tiredness. Sometimes it’s because my darling toddler has told me she doesn’t love me anymore..just Daddy. Sometimes it’s because Chloe is so incredibly frustrated that she can’t do everything she wants to yet and so instead just whines and whines.

I want to carry on breastfeeding, I want to stop breastfeeding. I love the closeness, the feeling of giving Chloe the very best I can but I need the freedom to be able to leave the house for more than an hour or two to clear my head. I don’t know what to do.

I worry so much. About how I will cope when I return to work. How I can possibly fit my job around my family and home life. I can’t work full time anymore as how will I get to know my children the way I want to and be there for them when I am only home for two of their wakeful hours each day. If I work part time how will we afford to bring them up the way we want to. Arrggh. All day questions, stress.. Over tired ..over active mind.

I need to bake. Baking soothes my soul.

What kind of parent are you?

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It seems that these days the way that people parent is under way more scrutiny than ever before.

People begin questioning the choices you make before your baby has even arrived.

Questions I’ve been asked recently:

You are going to breast feed yes? – Yes I am hoping to but if I wasn’t is that really ANY of your business random woman at playgroup?

Are you going to use re usable nappies? No I’m not. I think fluff (real nappies) are massively cute and yes a very good idea environmentally etc. We even have council schemes that give your money towards your initial purchase. BUT it’s not for me. I’m not even sure why but its just not. We did seriously consider it on Iz and again at the beginning of this pregnancy but sorry its just not for us.

Are you going to co sleep? We are not intending to co sleep. Now I have nothing against co sleeping, in fact I can see totally how it can be an easier transition for the baby and also a wonderful experience for both mother and child but I am a born worrier. I know that I would spend most of the night worrying about the baby and so for us it just isn’t an option. The baby will of course be in our room snuggled up in a Moses basket close at hand.

Are you going to Baby led wean? Yes ..seriously I’ve been asked my opinions on weaning before baby even comes. Crazy. I said I wasn’t sure but I imagine I will do something similar to what we did with Izzy which is homecooked veggies to start (steamed and puréed) follows by softer foods and finger foods. We will give a wide variety of tastes and textures and hope she is another mini foodie like her big sis.

Will you go back to work? Unfortunately I have to. I hope to take off the full year and then reduce my hours on my return. Or win the lottery.

Are you going to sleep train? No. Maybe when my baby is 6 months old and I’m pulling my hair out I will change my mind but at the moment no. I feel quite strongly that sleep training is not an avenue I want to travel down. It took 13 months for Iz to begin sleeping well but now for the most part she is a fabulous sleeper (when not teething!) I think it takes babies a while to find their natural rhythm and also I couldn’t handle cry it out… I’m such a softy. Nothing against you sleep trainers/Gina Ford worshippers ..in fact I may even be jealous of the amount of sleep you get but we are all different hey.

Two more questions I’ve been asked by family/friends and even a PR lady which aren’t about parenting but a bit annoying are:

How will you lose your baby weight? At this stage I don’t know. At the moment I am concentrating on growing a human inside me. My weight gain and loss is not a relevant topic right now.

Are you going to have a natural birth? Who knows. I know what I want but who knows what will happen.

When did the way we parent become such an open topic for discussion? I love that we can share ideas and give advice be it on blogs/twitter and in person but give us a chance to try things and perhaps even wait for the baby to arrive.

It’s all about you…

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I have finished working now for the remainder of my pregnancy and I’m really enjoying the additional time with my daughter. She’s at an age where she is such good fun and the odd tantrum aside she is a joy to spend time with.

I find it hard to remember a time when she wasn’t around and that at one point I didn’t have this one central focus in my life. It really is all about her.

So what happens when baby 2 arrives? How do I split my time? How do I ensure that my wonderfully funny toddler still gets the time and attention she deserves whilst caring for a newborn? I have to admit I’m a little bit worried.

Even now I’m starting to find it hard to do everything she wants and needs from me. She loves having me involved with all of her activities and I’m constantly being told Mam come on…help. She loves me to to sit on the floor to play cars, colour in or just be next to her – with a daily increasing bump this isn’t easy but I do try.

I just look into the future a little and think woah I really hope she doesn’t resent the baby. Realistically I know at some point she will even if just for a short time but I’m hoping she will adore her little sister so much that it will be short lived.

Do any of you parents of two or more have advice for me?

I really REALLY can’t wait for the baby to arrive but do you know what I am really going to miss the time with my girl.

Look at this big girl..where did my baby go?

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Still a mini foodie.. eating Chorizo, chickpea, tomato and paprika stew

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Playtime

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Having supper at Nanna’s house

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Out for a nighttime stroll in her swanky new Jane Trider buggy

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How many toys is too many toys?

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This seems an apt time to ask you how many toys does your child have? And secondly how many do they play with?

Izzy has lots of toys. I should state that we haven’t bought her lots but I’m from a large family and things get passed along quite regularly. I have always welcomed this as I know that lots of people aren’t lucky enough to have family to share and spoil. The last few days I have been thinking more and more about how many toys she should have out readily at her disposal to play with. I’m not a mean mammy I just don’t want her to be spoilt. Christmas is really what made me think about this.
We only spent about £30 on Izzy this year including stocking fillers as I knew it would be hard for her to appreciate it being only 16 months old. We bought her a few books,some stacking cups and a few bits n pieces. On Christmas morning she enjoyed opening presents and kissing pictures of Upsy Daisy .. By the end of Boxing Day she had approximately an extra 25 presents. Only 2 of which were clothing. The presents are gorgeous but on top of what she already has I don’t know how many she should be able to play with at one time. We are planning to keep some in her bedroom for her morning play ( she always plays in her cot for at least 30 mins on waking while we get some extra snooze and loves having separate toys up there) and perhaps leave some of her older toys with grandparents so that she always has something familiar to play with. I will keep all her books out as she loves to read ( well look at pics) and I want to encourage that but any tips on what to do? Should I pack some away for a month or two? I don’t want to be mean but I don’t want her to grow up to expect this either. Hmm its difficult.

What did your little one have for Christmas? What are your thoughts on this?

I should point out that I was of course grateful for all of her gifts and some of them really were beautiful and thoughtful it’s just very hard to know what to do.

I also may steal her hungry caterpillar cup for myself as its so damn cute.

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She loved her “ipad”- the Haribo selection pack in background belongs to Daddy!

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Wearing great Nans Christmas hat

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Also do you have any funny names for your child’s toys? The pic below shows Izzy in her baby Einstein activity centre ( passed onto by family) which we call “the one that can’t move” for example if I’m cooking and my OH needs to pop upstairs or out I will say ” Put her in the one that can’t move for a few mins” it’s been brilliant as she enjoys it for short bursts and still hasn’t figured out how to get out.

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Thanks for reading, I’d love your comments 😉

Babies Aren’t Boring

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Before I had my daughter I thought that babies were very cute, occasionally smelly and maybe dare I say it a bit boring. After all they only sleep,eat, poop and repeat yes? I thought it would take a few years to get to the fun stage of having a child and doing all the fun stuff that you have secretly been wanting to do for years but had no excuse..such as impromptu trips to the zoo, park, swimming pool (but not to swim) indoor play areas… etc etc.

I was completely wrong. Firstly your own baby is never boring. Other babies can be I suppose although when you become a parent even other people’s babies become more interesting. It’s very strange. Watching my child sleep is still exciting.. I still find myself calling to my oh at least once an hour to say look look what she’s doing. Every day seems to be a new milestone as she discovers the great big world she lives. There are so many little things she does that pleases me that I could literally talk about her for hours and this kind of worries me because surely this is annoying to others?! I remember listening to other people drone on about their children and zoning out .. I know I waffle about her too much, 90% of my tweets are baby related but I’m sorry I wouldnt really have it any other way. I love that I am so into her. It appears I have wonderful friends as not only do they listen to this droning on but they also ask questions, ask for photos and are fascinated by our bundle of cuteness.

I thought it was just a girl thing but it’s not because men are just as vulnerable to the baby chatter and not just my OH who adores our little un (and annoyingly gets the biggest smiles off our daughter when he returns from work) but lots of men. All of our male friends ask after Izzy whenever we chat and not just in a polite way, they actually care. I think. I seem to read more daddy blogs then mummy blogs these days and it’s great to read a male point of view.
Anyway today we did our first exciting baby day out when we visited The Wales Ape&Monkey sanctuary*. It was fab. I pretended it was for Izzy but really I wanted to go and seeing her little face light up when looking at the monkeys was just a bonus.
I am looking forward to lots of similar excursions. In fact I maybe at some point even want to visit Peppa Pig park- yes I admitted that.

So anyway to sum up..babies aren’t boring. Not at all really. If you think so try having one and see your attitude change in an instant. 😀

*if any of you do make a trip and have slightly older children you may want to avoid spending too much time looking at Ronnie the chimp. He does RUDE things.

babies aren't boring

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Birth Story. Warning: Just Born Baby Pic

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I was going to write my birth story this week as I love reading others and thought it would be good to share. I didn’t.. Mainly because although it was an amazing experience and the most wonderful thing in the world happened as a result of it I don’t want to relive the birthing experience or scare my friends. Instead I will sum it up briefly before moving onto my actual topic ( how do you learn to be a parent).

So… my waters broke at home at 3pm September 15th just as we were about to go shopping and it was weird – anyone whose waters have broken will tell you that and totally not what I expected. After a quick visit from my lovely midwife I decided to pop to tescos to get some last minute bits ( she was 3 wks early I was unprepared) which was probably not my best idea.. But I got a tens machine which I don’t think I would have managed labour without even if I did scare the pharmacist by telling her my waters had broken.
By 12.30am I was at the hospital with contractions 2 minutes apart and by 9am Sept 16th the prettiest baby girl I’d ever seen was in my arms. It was not all plain sailing I was sick all through my labour which I kinda expected after 9 months of constant nausea and various other things but she arrived SAFELY and I was fine afterwards so that’s all that really matters.

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Fast forward 14 hours and I am on the ward finally alone with my little girl and this is when it starts to hit me.. I am in charge of the life of another person. Wow. Suddenly I realised I may have gone through the trauma of labour and the general horrors of pregnancy but I had no clue as to how to be a mother. Don’t get me wrong I read ALL the pregnancy/baby books, bought all the apps and even watched #oneborn religiously. I have younger siblings, nieces and nephews who I have babysat trillions of times but they all came with instructions clearly set out by their parents but now I was the parent and it scared me.
I sat on my bed with my baby who refused to breastfeed and wondered if I was already doing it all wrong. For those five LONG days and nights when Izzy refused to latch and I refused to admit defeat and go onto formula the thought that it was me that was stopping this natural thing from just happening nearly drove me insane. Looking back this was not helped by the fact that I was not allowed to go home and she refused to sleep in the hospital so I was the most sleep deprived I have ever been in my life. There were a million questions rolling around in my head like: how often do I change her nappy? When do I use nappy cream? What if I fall asleep when holding her? Will she ever sleep? Will I ever sleep again? HOW CAN I MAKE HER FEED? On the fifth day after lots of pumping, syringing milk into my babies mouth and convincing the nurses/doctors that I could keep this up at home Izzy gained weight! I was allowed to go home and that night she breastfed for the first time and pretty much didn’t stop for days. – I was so relieved.

Now 7 months later, I still have days when I feel like we are waiting for the real parents to turn up and quite often I just stop myself from calling my mother to ask what she thinks I should do – I still do it just not all the time. I’m learning, growing, becoming a mother myself and I’ve discovered I know what my baby wants and most times I know what to do or where to look for info if something goes wrong but who knows what new mums did before the Internet, twitter and baby centre existed. I have been very lucky in that I have a brilliant, supportive boyfriend who is so fabulous with our daughter and to have a great network of family and friends and I do wonder how other people cope when they don’t have such strong support as no matter what anyone else tells you parenting is the hardest, scariest thing I’ve ever done and I’ve done a skydive. 🙂 It is also the most fun, rewarding, happiest and emotional time I have ever experienced and I look forward to more and even at some time hope to have another baby so it can’t be too bad.

Sorry if that was one long ramble as I am fairly tired but once I started I couldn’t stop.

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