I’m not sure if its because I didn’t sleep last night or whether my body is just feeling exhausted but I feel blue. Although there have been loads of little and large issues some of which I’ve blogged about and well others I haven’t with this pregnancy I’ve managed mostly to keep a positive spin on things.
Today was only something minor – I have developed a ear and throat infection so I’m on antibiotics. AGAIN. Nothing major right but it must have been the icing on the cake as I suddenly feel miserable. Last night I didn’t really sleep at all, not just due to the heat which has kept most of the country awake for days but because my throat was so swollen ..by the time 9am came I felt broken. Flu type symptoms in my arms, legs and head with a massively sore throat, nausea and a niggly pain starting in my ear. If I wasn’t pregnant I would have dosed up on cold/flu meds and relaxed until I felt better but when pregnant you are extremely limited as to what you can take to relieve the pain so I give in and visited my GP. Lucky I did as the infection is pretty bad and my doc said it would have become a lot worse. At the same time we have thought Izzy had hayfever all weekend when it turns out today that she has a chest infection so she is also on meds. I should point out she is dealing with it a lot better than I am.
My body just feels useless right now. Deep down I know it’s not – I’m growing a baby after all 😉 but it feels that way. Every week seems to bring a new issue and although I know the baby is ok I worry, after all if I feel this way how does she feel? I hate that I am now on my third lot of antibiotics in as many weeks although I know they are essential especially the ones to fight the Strep B but all this medicine in my body when I am carrying my precious baby seems wrong.
I worry constantly about how rubbish I feel. What if this continues? How will I cope with labour or a newborn?
When I think clearly I know that I will be fine, the baby will hopefully be fine and this is all just worry but it’s very hard to shake out of this mood today. I think I’ve felt more stressed in this pregnancy that I have in most of adult life. During my last pregnancy my mum battled breast cancer and I coped with that better than I am currently coping with less serious matters.
Added to all of the above is the effect on Izzy and my OH. I feel guilty most days about not doing enough with Izzy – when I have an ounce of energy I try to spend it on her or we do things like cuddling and watching films. My OH has been incredibly supportive when I know a lot of this has been hard on him too and I worry about the strain it puts on him.
It feels like forever until our next scan at 28 weeks when we hope to see our heathy,happy girl bouncing about in my belly.
How can I get out of this silly mood and stop feeling sorry for myself? I know there are many people worse off than me and I am lucky in a million ways but right now I need a boost.
This was a bit of a thought spillage so apologies if it makes little or no sense.
Thanks for reading.x