Mam..talk to me.
I hear this from my eldest daughter at least 2-3 times a day. It’s usually when I’m flustered and trying to quickly finish cooking a meal or in the middle of an important phone call but sometimes just sometimes it happens when I’m just mindlessly trawling social media. We all do it. As a blogger social media interaction is massively important and I like to feel connected to the people who read my blog and help to make it a success BUT I don’t want my children to ever think they come second to that. Because they don’t.
I try to squeeze everything into my day. Cleaning, cooking, being a good, supportive partner and of course being a mum. Being a mum is my number one job right now. I decided to take the full year of maternity leave to be a stay at home mum and it’s by far my most challenging job yet. In fact I know going back to work would be easier. I don’t want to miss these days. These moments. But I can’t JUST be a mum. I’ve lost so many facets to my personality, to me over the last three years. I don’t recognise myself sometimes and I don’t mean physically although after two children in just over two years that has certainly changed too. I need sometimes to just be me again. For a minute. If that’s ok.
I’m working at several projects which if I/we can get them off the ground will mean I may possibly.. maybe at some point be a work from home mum..at least most of the time. To get this to come to fruition requires work. My blog. Social media. Emailing. Networking. It’s all a part of something bigger. Yes my blog is just my small corner of the world to rant n rave and moan n groan and I can’t imagine it will ever pay the bills but it’s taken me to new places, introduced me to possible new careers.
When I’m on my phone/iPad I’m not just tweeting or blogging. I’m changing our future. Mad as that may seem. I need to not feel guilty when Izzy looks disappointed that I’m busy for a few minutes. I need her to realise that I’m there with her, totally there 80% of her day. Maybe more. The rest of her awake time and the long evenings/nights when she is tucked away in bed that I spend working are for the greater good. To reach long term goals. So that mammy isn’t just home for an hour before bed each evening. But there all day and maybe working from home for a little of it.
Can we do this?
Yes we can.