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You are here: Home / Archives for depression

It’s All In Your Head

July 11, 2015 · by munchiesandmunchkins · Leave a Comment

Isn’t it amazing how much power your mind has? How it creates ideas and thoughts.. dreams and nightmares. Amazing but scary.

How one day you can feel like you can conquer the world and the next you just want to hide away. Away from everything and everyone.

Last night I had a really awful dream. A dream which was so vivid and sad that I woke convinced it was real. In the dream I had been unable to stop crying and when I woke in the early hours it appeared that yes I had been crying in my sleep. My eyes have been sore all day, I’ve had a headache which was no doubt brought on by the stress, tiredness and tears. I’ve felt rather upset for no reason really. All day. Because of a bad dream.

That is how powerful your mind is. It can keep you awake at night with recurrent thoughts or make you question everything you do.

You have to admit that it’s pretty incredible – the way it works but it doesn’t stop me wishing that mine worked differently.

I wish I didn’t have such vivid dreams or night terrors.

I wish I could go to sleep without worrying what lies ahead that night.

I wish I was less anxious.

I wish I allowed myself to be happier and more relaxed.

I wish I worried less.

Yet that mind, that I sometimes hate also creates funny stories for bedtime (from your head) tales. It makes up silly songs with the girls. It thinks up new recipes and ideas. It writes this blog. It’s taught me to learn from my mistakes and to remember who and what is important.

It remembers things that I don’t want it to. Sad times, scary times. Traumatic experiences. Yet tucked away and sometimes hidden are the fun times I had as a child. The love I always felt from my parents. The chaos and laughter that came with growing up in a large family. The first days with my children. Seeing Izzy become a big sister. Watching them take first steps. It’s all there. The happy, the sad, the safe and the scary.

If only you could choose what remains at the forefront.

When people say it’s all in your head. It really is. Everything. Your thoughts. Fears. Loves. Your life.

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Filed Under: Depression · Tagged: adult, anxiety night terrors adults, bad dreams, depression, mind, night terrors, nightmares, ptsd

Sleep Tips For Adults

April 7, 2015 · by munchiesandmunchkins · 3 Comments

Everywhere you look you see guides for how to get your newborn to sleep through the night, or top tips for getting toddlers to stay in bed past 5am. BUT you don’t see that much about adults who struggle to sleep..and there are a lot of us.

I have struggled massively with sleep since my first pregnancy four years ago. It’s hard to sleep properly during pregnancy for various reasons, anxiety about becoming a parent..discomfort, increased need for the toilet and lots of other issues which all contribute to a not so great night of sleep. Then you plunge into the newborn haze where a full nights sleep is a distant dream and suddenly they sleep through and yet you still aren’t. Between Izzy learning to sleep through ( around 13 months old ) and getting pregnant with Chloe about 6 months later I still barely slept. I had night terrors, I would wake up early or just not manage to get to sleep for hours at night. This continued throughout a very difficult pregnancy with Chloe and well since then sleep is always a dream away. Chloe barely sleeps and even when we get a nights break when my parents or Andrews parents have the girls for us I still don’t sleep properly but I do feel as though I’m ( very ) slowly learning about the things which help.

Here are a few of the products/gadgets/tips I’ve discovered this year:

* Decluttering and having a clear space. This is still an ongoing work in progress but it’s getting better. Our bedroom is almost complete and as it becomes more clutter free it’s definitely a calmer place to be.

* A good quality bed and mattress. A decent bed is a must. Even if you can’t sleep then if you lie down just to rest, at least do it in comfort.

* A Lumie Clock – I was gifted a Lumie clock as part of a gift guide a few months ago and I’ve been so impressed with it since then. It has an aromatherapy setting on it so I can have lavender scents drifting through the air while I try to unwind. I like the gradual sunset and sunrise. It’s become a part of my bedtime routine – YES routine…adults need this too don’t ya know.

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* Rescue Remedy Night Spray from Bach Flower Remedies – I was sent some of this a little while ago but didn’t really use it much. When my sleep habits became really difficult I took sleeping tablets some nights in order to let my body rest. This was a mistake and looking back I wish I hadn’t done it. It worked – in the sense that I did sleep but I felt almost drunk after taking it and to a certain extent hungover the following day. When I decided to get rid of any type of medication at night I started using this and maybe it’s just the action of doing it but I start feeling sleepier after I use the spray. It soothes me. I also use the daytime spray when things become a bit much but I’ll talk about that again.

* Audio Books – this was a tip my GP gave to me. Listening to audio books is incredibly relaxing. I could never give up reading an actual book as I love to read but some audio books especially one I recently bought called Mindfulness are narrated by people with incredibly soothing voices. If you use a kindle to listen you can normally check out a sample before buying.

* Go to bed earlier. It sounds so simple but if it takes you an hour to get to sleep, then if possible go up an hour earlier. Rest in bed. Read. Just chill out.

* Keep a notepad by your bed – worried about something? Write a list or a note of it then try to store it away until the next day. After all you are in bed, you can’t do anything about it. Have too many thoughts/reminders/things to do – write them down. Look at it in the morning. Chances are most of them are not important.

* Have a soothing book or image by your bed. Years ago Andrew gave me the Little Book Of Calm. I read a page or two at least once a week. Some very obvious tips, others are just calming to read. Worth a look.

* Keep a sleep diary – if you have a particularly bad or good night, write it down. Try to remember if anything helped or hindered your sleep. I have been using a Misfit Flash to record my daily activities – mostly for fitness but it also records you restful sleep periods. I find it really useful and incredibly accurate. My most restful sleep is normally at about 4am when my body and mind must be so worn out that I just lay there like a rock. It’s important not to obsess about the lack of sleep but I do find this a really useful tool.

* Exhaust yourself – obviously don’t make yourself ill but push yourself physically. As you would tire out a toddler who has eaten too many biscuits then make yourself go for a long walk. The fresh air will calm you and a tired body can help you rests more easily. Also stimulate your brain throughout the day. Challenge yourself mentally. Tire your brain out too.

* Watch what you eat and drink – it’s obvious that you should try to avoid sugar and caffeine before bed but there are other things which can stop you sleeping. Find you wake up a lot to use the bathroom? Try to stop drinking anything at a certain time. Make sure you make up for this during the day. Alcohol can relax you but also disturb your sleep and cause nightmares. Find out how it affects you and learn when to avoid it. Have a snack late evening so you aren’t hungry during the night – as you will definitely not sleep well if hungry but don’t eat a heavy meal less than 2 hours before bed.

Do you have any sleep tips? As its my blog birthday this week the best tip ( chosen by a twitter follower) will be gifted a box of chocolates from me as thank you. Just don’t eat them before bed 😉

* Some items were gifted as part of previous posts/reviews.

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Filed Under: Depression · Tagged: audio books, bachs flower remedies, depression, insomnia, Lumie clock, SAD, Sleep tips for adults, tired

Depressed Or Self Obsessed?

March 29, 2015 · by munchiesandmunchkins · 11 Comments

I’m not normally one for jumping in on hot topics in the news. Normally because I avoid a lot of it. I find the news awfully sad most of the time and I have enough sadness in me right now. Selfish? Perhaps.. Self obsessed? I hope not.

Sometimes news items are right there in your face though and I’ve thought a lot about the poor families of the victims from the German Wings plane crash this week. I’ve thought long and hard about the state of mind of the co pilot and I’ve spent the most time thinking about his family. About how they are coping right now. Because whatever happened or however it happened they are grieving too. Grieving for a son, brother, cousin, friend. Having to read every sordid detail of his life and to feel the ultimate pressure of knowing your child ( he will always be a child to his parents) caused the death of so many. How hard this time must be for them.

Depression headlines have been splashed across newspapers in a tawdry, mindless way. Mental health is being talked about. In the worst possible way.

A few minutes ago I saw this from an abomination of a woman that I find it hard to give any time or thought to:

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But I had to talk about this. How dare she? A woman who could be considered the ultimate in self obsessed. How dare she belittle an illness which is so incredibly crippling it kills so many and so often. How can an educated woman say the words Get a grip to people who would give ANYTHING in the world to snap out of this illness.

I am far from self obsessed. I am depressed. I hate myself most days but K.Hopkins I hate you more. I hate you for spoiling an hour I had decided in which I was going to just relax. To be me. Not mum or employee or partner. I sat down with my kindle under a blanket and decided to just chill out. I find this so hard to do. Because of my illness. You ruined it and I doubt very much you realise the impact of your tweet today. For every ant sized step forward in mental health awareness there is an elephant step back. You are the elephant. Go back to the circus your life has become and leave everybody else alone.

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Filed Under: Depression · Tagged: depression, German wings, Katie Hopkins, Katie Hopkins troll, Mental Heath awareness, mind charity, Twitter

I Don’t Want To Be…

February 22, 2015 · by munchiesandmunchkins · 3 Comments

I’m tired of looking ’round rooms
Wondering what I’ve got to do
Or who I’m supposed to be

I know, I know ..I totally just quoted lyrics from a Gavin DeGraw song.

I’ve listened to this song a lot lately, mainly because I’ve become a little obsessed with One Tree Hill – as usual I’m ten years behind everyone else. I’m a little sad tonight because I finished the every final episode of the ninth and final series. I’ve enjoyed watching this show. I’ve found it easy to watch and almost become entwined in the intense friendships on the show. It’s been a distraction. In a place where awful things can and do happen, they carry on. They support each other and they always end up being good, decent people. Yes, even the evil guy of the show somehow ends up redeeming himself and stealing a bit of your heart in his last episode.

I’m sure this is reading much like a long line of waffle about a slightly cheesy American TV show. But. What I’m thinking about is the bit behind the show and in a way especially these lyrics. The song is called ‘I don’t wanna be’ and the lyrics aren’t anything amazingly poetic or outstanding but the bit that gets me EVERY single time I hear it is this – I don’t want to be anything other than me.

Because I don’t. I don’t want to be anything other than me. I don’t want to be famous, super rich ( although slightly would be nice) or supermodel thin. I just want to be me. But not this version of me. I want the old me. The one I loved. This me..well I’m not such a fan of her.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this post or if I’ll even post it but at a time in my life where everything seems uncertain and dark I am hunting for light. I am hunting for the kindness of strangers, the warmth (and stickiness all too often) of my daughters hands, a 30 second interlude where I laugh and forget that I’m sad. Thankful for a family who are like no other..weird almost certainly but wonderful definitely.

You see with medications or exercise or faddy diets we all expect to want to change but I don’t want that. I don’t want to be anyone other than me.

This post wouldn’t have been written today if I hadn’t joined a wonderful group of people in a movement called Embrace Happy – started by Karin Joyce of Cafe Bébé , I was invited by a special lady who writes this wonderful blog – An Organised Mess. – if I’m honest I am not embracing happy quite yet but it’s making me search for three good things in every day. Sometimes this is very hard, I’m hoping it gets easier. Thanks ladies.

 

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Filed Under: Depression · Tagged: 3 good things, depression, embrace happy, Gavin de graw, mental health, One tree hill

Thank You For The Day

February 18, 2015 · by munchiesandmunchkins · Leave a Comment

I am in the midst of depression, post natal depression, severe depression, post traumatic stress..whatever you want call it or label it.

It’s astonishing how an illness can totally encompass you.

How rather than you having depression, depression has you.

It totally has you in every way possible.

It takes the joy away. The beauty. It takes away the person you were. It’s made me snarly where I was laidback, irritable when I would have laughed.

But it hasn’t taken away today. It hasn’t taken away my family, their love for me is unwavering. It hasn’t stopped my eldest from looking at me and telling me I’m her best friend. Or from my youngest loving to be wrapped tightly in my arms while I stroke her neck. It hasn’t taken away the love of my man or the support from my parents.

Today I found it hard to even use my fake smile. But..

I’m still here.

There may be brief moments where I almost wish I wasn’t. But I am.Here.

Thank you for the day.

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Filed Under: Depression, Family · Tagged: depression, how to cope, Post natal depression

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