Isn’t it amazing how much power your mind has? How it creates ideas and thoughts.. dreams and nightmares. Amazing but scary.

How one day you can feel like you can conquer the world and the next you just want to hide away. Away from everything and everyone.

Last night I had a really awful dream. A dream which was so vivid and sad that I woke convinced it was real. In the dream I had been unable to stop crying and when I woke in the early hours it appeared that yes I had been crying in my sleep. My eyes have been sore all day, I’ve had a headache which was no doubt brought on by the stress, tiredness and tears. I’ve felt rather upset for no reason really. All day. Because of a bad dream.

That is how powerful your mind is. It can keep you awake at night with recurrent thoughts or make you question everything you do.

You have to admit that it’s pretty incredible – the way it works but it doesn’t stop me wishing that mine worked differently.

I wish I didn’t have such vivid dreams or night terrors.

I wish I could go to sleep without worrying what lies ahead that night.

I wish I was less anxious.

I wish I allowed myself to be happier and more relaxed.

I wish I worried less.

Yet that mind, that I sometimes hate also creates funny stories for bedtime (from your head) tales. It makes up silly songs with the girls. It thinks up new recipes and ideas. It writes this blog. It’s taught me to learn from my mistakes and to remember who and what is important.

It remembers things that I don’t want it to. Sad times, scary times. Traumatic experiences. Yet tucked away and sometimes hidden are the fun times I had as a child. The love I always felt from my parents. The chaos and laughter that came with growing up in a large family. The first days with my children. Seeing Izzy become a big sister. Watching them take first steps. It’s all there. The happy, the sad, the safe and the scary.

If only you could choose what remains at the forefront.

When people say it’s all in your head. It really is. Everything. Your thoughts. Fears. Loves. Your life.