Last week I turned 40. And it feels strange, not in a bad way. To grow older is a privilege and particularly knowing the health scares I’ve had the last three years I feel that I am lucky. There are people from my school year who have not made it this far and every day we are here is a blessing. But being 40 and feeling still 25 in your head is a strange feeling. When I was younger I looked at 40 year olds and thought they had mastered life, they had it all figured out, they were always sensible and responsible and well old I guess. I’m lucky to be 40 at a time when women are still starting careers and families at this age, women are still considered in their prime and this was not the case 20 or even 10 years ago. There is still time and hopefully plenty of it to change career paths or move home or improve health and fitness which is my focus right now.
I’m struggling a lot with my health at present but I am lucky in so many ways. I have two absolutely amazing, kind and loving daughters who make me so happy every day. I have an incredible partner who supports me even when I have bad days and makes me feel loved and beautiful. I have the best parents you could ask for who I see or speak to every day and who are the best role models I could ask for in life. I have my siblings who help me and are there for me who I love so much and I have great friends who know just how to make me smile and I’m still here. I am not where I want to be in terms of health but my life is still full and I’m determined to make this year a positive one even if things decline.
It is too easy sometimes to focus on the bad. To feel angry at the world at how unfair it is that I am going through this pain with seemingly no end but although I don’t always feel it I am strong and I will get through it.
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