The title is a little misleading.
You see I am just about to hit my mid 30’s. Next month I turn 35. 35 …which still seems kind of astonishing. I mean I feel like I am in my early twenties in lots of ways. We all do I guess. But I think I have an exceptionally young soul. Yes that means childish.
I thought I’d feel a lot more uncomfortable about getting older than I actually am. Because there isn’t that sense of panic. I’m not worried about getting older really. In fact I embrace it in lots of ways. 35 is still pretty young in the scheme of life.
I know that life throws really tough times at all of us. I know the bad things that can happen and have and possibly will happen again.
And I am both stronger and weaker for it. Stronger because I’ve made it out the other side, somewhat intact. Weaker because parts break when things happen and perhaps never fully recover.
I never used to believe when people said you stopped worrying so much about what everybody else thinks as the years go by. So much of my twenties was eaten up by thoughts of inadequacy, my elder siblings all had better jobs or just seemed to get on with life more easily than I did. I constantly compared my body, weight and beauty with others. And now well.. I still feel inadequate at times, I still have body hating days but I can brush it off now. I am me. I am not anybody else. I cannot hope to have longer legs but I can enjoy being petite and focus on my good points. It is all about acceptance I guess. It takes a long time to accept yourself and all of your flaws. Imagined or real.
The only thing that really worries me about getting older, is that it means my parents are also getting older. That is my biggest problem with the passing of time. And I can worry on that at 2am when every problem in the world seems massive or I can start to accept it as a part of life and enjoy my wonderful parents and family right now without worrying about what happens in 10/20/30 years.
I’ve accepted that I am unlikely to be rich unless my lottery plan falls into place but that I really am ok with that. I don’t need a lot of money or material goods to be satisfied in life. I know that my belly will always show signs of pregnancy and birth and whilst I am not going to give up on getting in better shape I am also not going to beat myself up about it. Because for having carried two kids in such a short space of time it’s actually not that bad.
I asked on Twitter earlier today whether women were happier with how they looked and less worried what people thought about them in their 30’s than in their 20’s. The poll is still running but so far is an overwhelming yes.
I questioned this a few weeks ago, am I where I expected to be in life? Am I where I thought aged 16 that I would be aged 35? No. I am not, but it’s alright. Life doesn’t go as planned for many people. You can still make it what you want to be though. Make it something.