You may have noticed I’ve been a little quieter on here lately. I’m on some medication which has made me feel a little fuzzy headed and I’m having some difficulty in concentrating on things. Hopefully this marshmallow head feeling won’t last too much longer.

I’m a bit emotional this evening because yesterday I made a rather huge ( to me anyway ) decision to stop breastfeeding. For a number of reasons, firstly I’m on medication which although my GP says it’s safe for me to continue feeding it still states on the info leaflet that it passes into the milk and I’m not 100% comfortable with that, secondly I think it’s affecting her sleep – she feeds for comfort at night and that needs to stop really at over 1 year old. Thirdly I’m just rundown. I’m always unwell, tired..drained and the feeding doesn’t help with that at all. Lastly we think Chloe has a milk allergy and although this probably sounds very selfish I don’t want to give up dairy. I’ve given up caffeine and alcohol ( for the most part) for over a year which has been hard and I don’t want to give up anymore.

So plenty of perfectly valid reasons for ending our breastfeeding journey but I still feel guilty. I’m sat here with swollen breasts and it would be so easy to pop upstairs and feed her but I can’t. I know it’s the right time. Although she still loves to feed and will poke at my chest with her tongue out when she wants it, she doesn’t actually NEED it much anymore. She is eating a lot more food and she only really has short feeds and only at night time. I’m trying to convince myself that it’s for the best. Because it really is, in the long run it will leave me with more energy for her and for Izzy. She won’t be as dependent on me for comfort at night and hopefully she will be less tired.

I should be proud of feeding for over a year, through trying, emotional times and when it felt extremely hard. We didn’t even stop after I had an emergency lumbar puncture and had to stay in hospital.

But instead of feeling proud tonight I’m a bit weepy.

I will miss it.

Her first feed: