I have stopped and started writing a blog post for the last month because nothing I said seemed quite right. I didn’t feel I could simply write about what I am eating or watching because it all seemed too frivolous. Yet I realise now that frivolity and distraction is what a lot of us need so I am hoping to get back into the swing of writing about everyday things and maybe one or two recipes too.
My life along with all of yours has changed drastically over the last 6 – 7 weeks and I never imagined living through something like this. I think a lot of you will agree that this period is mentally draining and at many times incredibly sad. I have also felt an ever increasing feeling of uselessness. Ordinarily if our country was in a major crisis we could all go and do our bit to help, if there were hungry we could feed them or lonely go and visit but the risks of this virus to certain members of my family means that I haven’t been able to volunteer for any local projects and even my day job is currently on hold. I have kept busy with trying to do little bits here and there such as online shopping for members of my family and also parenting my two amazing yet busy daughters. I miss my parents and siblings who I am very close to, I miss my friends too and there are times when the worry of anything happening to loved ones becomes too much to think about. Being close to your family is wonderful but also scary because the thought of losing them is so unbearable. And the fact that there are so many of us ( I am one of ten children) can at times feel like there is always someone to worry about or consider. Within my large family we have a few at risk ( not shielded) members, one heavily pregnant and another two who are NHS key workers and I would be lying if I said I had no fears about Covid19. Aside from Coronavirus there are other major health worries within the family and frustratingly none of us are able to help one another out in the ways we normally would.
As with many others there are aspects of life in lockdown which I would like to continue when it ends. More time focused on communicating with family, more time focused on simple things. More time in the garden listening to the birds, examining the shapes in the clouds. Less needless shopping for clothes and materialistic products ( although I admit even I had a moment where I googled hot tub prices – then laughed and closed the browser). Focusing on daily outdoor exercise. Cooking from scratch more. Making sure to use up leftovers. Considering the needs of others more.
I don’t really miss going to the pub or restaurants although cooking every meal and cleaning up after each one doesn’t always exactly spark joy! I don’t really miss my day job although occasionally I miss having more adult conversation and I don’t even miss the socialising aspect as much as I imagined.
I do miss my close friends and family but we are maintaining contact in lots of ways.
But the biggest thing I miss most right now is being able to give my parents a hug. I have always appreciated my parents but never more so than right in this moment, I can’t think of anyone with a bad word to say about them and I am aware that I was so very lucky to be born to two generous, selfless and loving people. They make my days better and fill my heart with joy and love. The relationship they have with my children is wonderful to see and I am thankful we live within walking distance so that we can call up and check in on them ( from a safe distance in the garden ). We always spend a lot of time together but I’ll ensure it will be even more so after this difficult time is over.
If there is one thing this pandemic will have taught us as all I believe it is what really matters to us and who really matters to us. Material goods and money in the bank whilst nice don’t mean much when peoples lives and health are in doubt and at risk.
I hope you are ok, whoever and wherever you are reading this. I hope this virus hasn’t taken anyone close to you and I hope you are finding this time bearable. You can always pop me an email via the blog or a message on my social channels if you need someone to offload or rant to, I’m a good listener.
Stay safe, stay home. Protect not just the NHS but everyone. Stay away from loved ones and wait for when this is over and we can have that big joyous gathering so that nobody is missing from it.
Love to you all.