A few days ago on Facebook somebody shared this quote which appeared on my timeline:
Some people would love your bad days.
Now I can understand why some people would like this quote and it doesn’t upset me that anyone shared it but do you know what it made me feel?
Like someone was pouring some guilt sauce on top of my guilt pudding served with a side of guilt.
Because the quote is true. There are people in the wider world and even within my little world that have far more going on and who without a doubt have a harder life than I do. And I feel for them. I really, really do.
But this doesn’t make my pain, my stresses and my sadness any easier. Telling me that someone else is worse off than me does no actual good because I already feel guilty about being depressed when on the face of it there is nothing to be depressed about.
Think of it this way: If a friend broke their leg would you tell them they were lucky because they just broke their leg and they didn’t actually lose it. Or would you simply sympathise, perhaps offer to help out around the house or cook them a meal?
Depression should be treated no differently to a physical illness. You need to treat it, rest and let yourself heal. Some times this may seem as though you are wallowing in it. But you aren’t. I’m not suggesting you spend every day curled in a ball on the sofa with a sharing tub of Ben & Jerrys but maybe occasionally you need to spend the afternoon in bed because the illness you have is exhausting. Both mentally and physically. Some times the thought of getting out of bed in the morning to face another day of sadness can seem too much so if you need to stay there for an extra hour until you feel ready to do so then do it. If you have the support of a partner/friend/parent or sibling and they offer help, in any shape or form then take it.
When your doctor or counsellor tells you that you need to take some time to just be you, to relax, soak in the bath – try to not just assume this is general half hearted advice and take it. Do it.
I’ll be honest with you, I put a lot of pressure on Christmas this year. I was geared up for it, prepared months in advance with presents wrapped and ready. I told myself that this would be the end of the sadness. The start of something new. It didn’t happen and New Years was extremely hard for me because of this. I have now fully accepted I need to heal. Because I am unwell. I need to give it time and this time no pressure. I don’t know when it will be.
I don’t have any New Years resolutions as such. I don’t care if I have a dry January or if I lose a stone on a new year detox. I just want to feel normal again and I will do anything in my power to make that happen.
Oh I hear you. Totally hear you. It’s like putting a meal in front of an anorexic and saying “there are people in Africa who would do anything for that meal, eat it bitch”.
We just won’t do it.
You just keep being you and taking each day at a time. You are amazing
Good analogy!
Thanks T – really appreciate this.xx
hang in there Becky- I have a v close relative badly affected by depression and completely agree with your post. I hope things do improve for you. Xx
Thanks Roz. Really appreciate your comments and wishes.x
Well said. A lot of people can post things without really thinking how it may make others feel.
I really really hope you get your New Year’s wish x
Thanks Charlotte, I think unless you have experienced depression rather than just had a bad day it’s hard to understand it. Thank you xx
I saw the same post, and had similar feelings. I get what it was trying to say – don’t sweat the small stuff kind of thing – but you’re so right, making feel guilty for how they may feel doesn’t help anyone at all. Great post xxx
Thanks Leigh.xx
I totally agree that such facile “quotes” are totally unhelpful and aimed at who, exactly? The whole point about depression is that it is not something you can put in “perspective”, like it’s just a small part of your life you can choose to take notice of or not. I hope you get your New Year’s wish. Rest and heal. Best wishes to you.
Thank you, I appreciate your comment. Xxx
Thank you for writing this and sharing it. It’s things like these items need to hear, I need to see that people are feeling similarly to how I am. Your advice is great – I need to make myself follow it….
Best wishes x
Thanks Karen xx
I know people like these turn a negative into a positive quotes but I agree when I am depressed it is like a kick in the teeth. I really hope you feel better soon and get help if you need it. Rest up x x
Thank you Sadie, I really appreciate your comments xx