Being different is sometimes confused for being strange or weird. It’s not normal to be different, many of us strive so hard to just be the same.
I feel like I spent a lot of my life trying to be the same and just keep up with my friends and siblings. Wanting or telling myself I wanted the same things, a nice house and a steady job and the perfect 2.4 family. And it’s not that I no longer want those things but my wants and needs have changed, I have changed. I am a very different Becky to the one I was a year ago and I wish I could tell you that some huge life event had changed that or give you some kind of magic formula but I can’t things have just happened as they do and I’ve changed. In the famous words of Kendall Jenner 2016 was my year of just realising stuff. On my birthday last year I really sat down and thought about the way my life was going and about how I was literally the only person with the power to change it, nearly a year on I am not quite there but I am making leaps and bounds. Reassessing areas of my life and accepting what may or may not be for me.
And the main thing I realised is that I’m different. I’m not my siblings, I am not my friends.
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr Seuss
I know this is the kind of thing we hear all the time and see in motivational quotes but it really is true. There will never be another me or another you. There will be others like us of course but no one person will be the exact mix of lazy, workaholic, brave, anxious, loving and soppy that makes me who I am. Nobody. And that is quite a thing to fully accept. Now because of that you must work on being the absolute best version of yourself, that won’t work for everyone, not everyone will love the best version of you, just make sure that you do. You are the one you have to answer to at the end of the day.
Most days I read posts from bloggers, Instagrammers and social media influencer companies telling me how I should blog and Instagram. I should have a niche on Instagram, my photos should have the same filter or follow the same theme and I should never stray from that set route and I will admit that I tried that for a VERY short amount of time. It doesn’t work for me, some of my photos have no filter, some are filtered to the best of my filtering abilities. I share photos of food alongside travel pics, self love bikini photos next to hipster avocado toast and I have even started recommending beauty products – it is a real mish mash but that is me and most of my followers seem to enjoy that, there are over 4.5k of them so I must be doing something that pleases people.
Inspirational quotes and coffee shots too of course.
I am told that I am a brand now. My blog is a brand. To a point that is true, my blog is also my business but I am a person. I will ramble on here about all kinds of matters like this post for example whilst also sharing my favourite recipes and travel stories, it is what makes my blog me. It started for me and and I expected a handful of my friends to read it, times have changed and my blog has changed with it but it will always be personal for me. I am aware that at times that may cost me work, some brands will prefer the professional, polished approach to blogging and if so I am probably the wrong person for the job anyway.
The thing is I feel in some way I have to work doubly hard, I left college at 17 because I was a bit of a silly easily influenced teen in a damaging relationship, I saw the easy financial benefits of working and I wanted money rather than further education. I hugely regret this, I always wanted to be a writer, a journalist in fact when I was younger but it is never too late. I work at my office day job part time which is my mortgage payments and bills sorted and then the blog is my everything else. I couldn’t be a regular 9-5er in an office 5 days a week, I am someone who needs to be her own boss and because of that I know that hard work lies in my future for years when most of my friends are in successful, well paid careers. It means I can’t Netflix all night long because once the girls are in bed I am recipe testing or writing or working on my social media accounts. But I control my time, the girls have my full attention when they are awake, we play and learn and bake and I am doing this for them as much as I am doing it for myself. They deserve for me to be the best I can be and it will make for a happy home life. Sometimes I feel as though others judge slightly, they question why I only work part time, why I don’t want to further myself in my current role in my office job. But that is not my dream, if I worked more hours I would miss out on time with the girls which is so important to me, if I wanted more power at work then I wouldn’t have the time or indeed brain space to work on the blog. It is a balancing act and right now the see saw is just about at the right place. I am a writer now. I write this blog and I write for other food websites, I am doing it and it is a long, slow process but I’m doing it, I’m really doing it ( saying this always reminds me of Peter Pan.. You’re doing it Peter… ).
Another big change for me has been worrying less about what others think. I will probably never shake that completely and I think we all worry a little if we are being honest with ourselves. But I worry a lot less. Am I supposed to be wearing Batman and Wonderwoman t shirts or Captain America sweaters at the age of 33 with two children? Am I? I don’t really care. I wear them because I like them. I am at my happiest in a pair of jeans, comfy trainers or vans and a tee shirt. Yes I love to get dressed up, I am a girl after all ( well woman ) but I prefer to be casual. Is it ok or braggy to talk about weight loss and being happy (wish) with how my body looks? I don’t care. I have worked so hard to get to a point where I feel comfortable with myself and I think sharing that kind of positivity but can only be a good thing. It’s not a vanity thing, if you know me then you know I am not in the slightest bit vain.. and hey people can always unfollow or mute or just scroll on by.
I am getting braver, stronger and more confident in my abilities. And you know I will admit that I have been anxious and weak in the past, I will have times like that again perhaps but right now I am not letting anything beat me. I’m holding my head up, moving forward all the time and achieving my goals. I can do this. So can you.
I am different. It’s not a bad thing.