When our kids make a mistake, it’s something that we want to engage with our children about directly, but we all know that mistakes are a big part of life. The fact is that parenting is always a big responsibility, and as parents, we are always making mistakes. But even though you have misgivings and you think that your children should not make the same mistakes you did, there are a number of mistakes that we should really allow them to make by themselves. As parents, it’s our job to guide rather than enforce. Here are some areas that you should let your children do as they wish.
Choosing a different style
It’s our teenage years where we become more independent and we start to express ourselves. The toughest thing we can go through as parents is having to let them wear those clothes or dye their hair that colour, but while we can all learn how to get permanent dye out of hair, one of the bigger lessons from all of this is when your children look back and realise that what they were wearing didn’t look good.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what they are wearing, as long as those fashion choices aren’t harmful or offensive. We also have to remember that there can be fashion choices that may be offensive to older generations but not necessarily to your kids. This is where the big old debate about having a tattoo can cause friction between family members. But you have to remember that if you allow your child to express themselves in a way that isn’t harmful, they are less likely to go to extremes later on. If you tell them they cannot dye their hair that colour, it’s very likely they will up the ante in other ways and go for that tattoo and potentially not even tell you!
Making Wrong Friendship Choices
There will be a time in your child’s life when they become friends with somebody you don’t care for in the slightest. Your teenager will have to make their own decisions and understand who is good for them or not. It’s not fair for us to forbid our children from spending time with certain people because this will only make them want to hang out with them even more. The most important thing you need to do is to help them make the decision by themselves as to whether that person is worth their time. This is where having encouraging and open conversations can help them to decide what should be acceptable interactions in a friendship.
You may think that your child is being used by that friend or your child’s friend is not speaking to them in the right ways, and this is where you need to ask your child questions as to what they like about their friend, but also what they potentially don’t like about their friend that can encourage them to decide whether they are worth their time.
There’s a whole myriad of other issues here, for example, peer pressure or the fact that maybe your child is spending time with that friend because they have been excluded by other friendship groups. This can bring to light the whole notion of feeling independent and not wanting validation from other friends. But we’ve all made wrong friendship choices in life, some may have gone on for a long time, but this is where we have to remember that as long as we’ve learned our lessons, this is the most important thing.
Experiencing Negative Emotions
It is a big part of our teenage years when we start to experience uncomfortable sensations. We don’t want to see our children hurt, whether it’s because a friendship has gone sour or they are feeling the pressures of modern life, but there will be times when your child just feels lonely and they can’t explain why.
We’ve all felt those pangs of sadness and anxiety and loneliness, especially as teenagers, but it’s not about you trying to tell them that they should “snap out of it” or even try and distract them. We need to build our child’s confidence and help them develop into someone more mature by helping them experience these uncomfortable emotions in healthy ways. One of the biggest mistakes parents can make is not talking about these uncomfortable thoughts. We don’t want our children to feel that they can’t come and speak to us when they’re feeling something.
No doubt, some may have the echoes of their parents’ “advice” at the back of your mind, uttering unhelpful things like “snap out of it”. Instead, we have to remember that as humans, we’re all prone to anger, anxiety, loneliness, sadness, and depression. We also need to remember that our children could hurt our feelings when they are like this. This is where a little bit of empathy can go a long way.
Trying Things They’re Not Good at
You might have a great understanding of what your child cannot do, but instead of you steering them towards things that can make for a small win, it’s so important to fail at things. We need to have failure in life because there are always challenges around every corner. Your child may not be able to sing a note, but if they want to try out for the choir, you can’t deny your child the experience.
When they have their heart set on something and they don’t get what they want, they will be upset, but we can use this as a great opportunity to overcome these challenges and deal with the almighty notion of disappointment. It’s at this point that they will be far more susceptible to developing resilience, which is something we all need to have in our lives.
You might think that you need to protect your child at every turn. Everybody feels like they need to shield their child because it’s something that’s a part of who parents are. When they are teenagers, they are going to assert themselves in ways that will surprise you. But they are their own person, so you need to let them make these mistakes.
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