I am in the midst of depression, post natal depression, severe depression, post traumatic stress..whatever you want call it or label it.

It’s astonishing how an illness can totally encompass you.

How rather than you having depression, depression has you.

It totally has you in every way possible.

It takes the joy away. The beauty. It takes away the person you were. It’s made me snarly where I was laidback, irritable when I would have laughed.

But it hasn’t taken away today. It hasn’t taken away my family, their love for me is unwavering. It hasn’t stopped my eldest from looking at me and telling me I’m her best friend. Or from my youngest loving to be wrapped tightly in my arms while I stroke her neck. It hasn’t taken away the love of my man or the support from my parents.

Today I found it hard to even use my fake smile. But..

I’m still here.

There may be brief moments where I almost wish I wasn’t. But I am.Here.

Thank you for the day.