When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I was already nearly 8weeks along and it was a complete shock. This time around I found out at the earliest possible time.. Approx 3wk5days pregnant. Crazy huh? How I wish I had had those extra 5 weeks of being worry free this time around.
My first pregnancy wasn’t easy due to sickness and the usual aches and pains but it wasn’t full of worry and stress.. At least not about the baby. I was in a bit of a dream world I think where miscarriages and early pregnancy scares happened to other people. I had 1 trip to EPU due to an over cautious (but lovely) midwife as I had a bit of side pain but even while sat there waiting to be scanned I didn’t really contemplate there would anything wrong with my baby and I was lucky as there wasn’t. She is 21 months now – funny, bright and a bundle of energy who I simply adore.
This pregnancy has been fraught with worry. More or less from the day I became pregnant I not only felt really unwell but I had problems, scares which have on more than 5 occasions led us to worry that something could be wrong with our baby. Today was that 5th occasion. Today at 17wks when first trimester worries are supposedly behind us and I had just last night experienced feeling the first proper kicks. At the moment it seems that all is ok, the baby’s heartbeat was heard and that galloping sound has never sounded better but I’ve been referred to consultant care and I am hoping for some final reassurance from him/her in a few weeks.
I am being positive and feeling that everything will be fine but it has made me think a lot about pregnancy in general. I definitely believed prior to this year that although uncomfortable and at times unpleasant it was generally a time of happiness and excitement but really for lots of women (and their partners) it’s worry, stress and even worse guilt. Did I overdo it yesterday? Am I really looking after myself in the way that I should? Of course I know the answers to those and I know I’m doing just fine but it does make you question yourself.
Straightforward pregnancies aren’t actually that common it seems..
Of the 10 women I currently know that are pregnant ( locally and twitter friends) 7 have had at least one problem in the first and second trimesters. Some still have ongoing problems and others are coping admirably with tough news. Pregnancy is far from a time of joy and gluttonous eating for most.
Even so with all the anxiety of the past 3/4 months I can still lie here in my bed stroking my belly, feeling the slightest of flutterings and looking forward to a day in November when we will meet our strong little baby and well I just may just give him/her the biggest squeeze.